In this series of real user stories, we’re bringing together a bunch of people from different backgrounds to share their most intimate experience dealing with the loss of a loved one. We hope that by reading all of their stories, you’ll understand that everyone grieves differently and everyone’s journey is just as valid.
If you would like to submit your own story, please do so here. Today’s story is shared by Sher Wyn who lost her grandfather last July. This is her story.
What happened to him?
My grandfather died from colon cancer. On the 31st July 2020, God sent an angel back to heaven. I still think of him every morning when I inhale the morning breeze as I listen to the morning birds chirping. I miss him so very much.
How involved were you with the dealing of his death?
Not as involved due to certain circumstances. My immediate family and I were in Kuala Lumpur and he was all the way in Penang. We lost him during the Covid-19 pandemic and I just gave birth to my daughter 3 months prior but I’m glad that my parents and grandmother was with him the entire time.
What was the most difficult part of losing him?
Knowing that he is gone forever. Recalling back to the last time I held his hand, was it enough? The last time I kissed his cheeks, did he see tears rolling down my cheeks? The last time I told him how much I loved him, did he say it back? There was so much more I wanted to say, but we didn’t want to make him feel like we were losing hope in his recovery.
If I could, I would have told him that he is the greatest man that I’ve ever known, and I thank the Heavens for the blessing of being his granddaughter.
Do you remember your last encounter with him, what was it like?
He was lying on the bed in pain, I hugged him and cried in silence trying not to make a sound. I could see that he was in so much pain. My siblings and I took turns to have our alone time with him. None of us came out from the room without swollen red eyes. I prayed for his pain to be taken away, I prayed for him to be at peace, I prayed that my grandmother would be strong enough to deal with life without him. I went back Kuala Lumpur feeling broken.
How did you cope with your own feelings?
Crying in the shower. Apart from the hectic life of being a new mother, I was still a granddaughter who was mourning the loss of her grandfather. I also had to be strong for my grandmother. I thought I had to be strong for my mother too but as it turns out, she was the powerhouse giving all of us strength. Whenever I feel sad, I am quickly reminded of the great life he have lived.
If he could hear you now, what would you say to him?
Don’t worry Kong, we are taking good care of her (his wife).
What is your favourite memory of him?
First, performing a dance about our “2 front teeth”. One Christmas, my sister and I put on some random clothes we found in the closet, smeared some chocolate on our 2 front teeth to tease our grandfather and danced together. Second, our early morning walks. When my time comes, I’ll take my morning walk and meet you up in Heaven.
How do you feel now, are you still struggling?
I’m at peace now, knowing that he is no longer in pain or suffering. I’ll forever hold him in my heart and treasure our memories forever.
What advise would you offer someone who is grieving?
Understand that everyone grieves differently and for different lengths of time. Get support, advice or counselling to help you through your grieving journey, you are not alone.
Give yourself grace, give others grace. Some may want to show you that they understand your loss and will share their experience. They are giving the best they can, give them grace. No one else can heal this pain for you, so take all the time you need. You may also take this time to look for God. In the darkness of loss, God’s goodness stands out in relief.
“The only cure for grief is to grieve.” - Earl Grollman
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